Monday, June 30, 2008

False Advertisements

There should be a Department of Justice division devoted to false advertisements in the feminine hygiene advertising field.

As an aside, this post was inspired by Lenora's post over at Enchanted Palms.

Not having experienced a overly difficult period for six or seven months, I paid for it last week. Just a bad time with the PMS, which included a terrific migraine. I won't bore you with the details.

As I lay on the couch, in a generally miserable condition, I was subjected to a number of television commercials devoted to feminine hygiene products. Who writes these pieces? It's not a woman, I can tell you that right now.

I'm thirty-two years old. I began menstruating more than seventeen years ago. I know many women. They all menstruate. I have never, ever, ever witnessed a menstruating female, cramped, bloated etc. use a product that caused her to skip, merrily along the beach. Why are we always skipping, dancing and twirling in these commercials?

Or gathering flowers. That's another favorite.

OK. I'm done now. Thanks for listening.

On the upside, I did find an enjoyable blog. A blog I consider (for what its worth) one of the better adult blogs out there. If you haven't visited it, check out Married Exploits. Personally, I love the classic theme. There's also Roxy's Uncommon Curiosity, another blog worth checking out.

I'll be better next time. I promise. Now I have to go pirouette on the beach.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Female Sexuality....

Or, I can have my cake and Edith too.

There's been a number of posts recently in my corner of Cyberia dealing with the fluidity of female sexuality. Tom Paine had a recent entry as did Nina. Both posts discuss the 'fluidity' of female sexuality.

I decided to add my two cents after reading these very thoughtful, fellow bloggers.

It's cliche, but I do believe that sexuality is a spectrum. For women, it extends from one extreme: complete heterosexuality to another: complete homosexuality. There's vast acreage in between those two frontiers that many of us wander.

Example: I have a girlfriend, a dear friend, and whenever we greet or say goodbye, we kiss. Almost always on the lips, mouths always closed. We hug, we sometimes stroll arm-in-arm. That's it. Nothing more. It's probably as physically and emotionally intimate as you can get with a platonic friend. There's never been a hint of romance or a suggestion of anything more than friendship. Our intimacy just happens to manifest itself in a more physical way than other relationships.

The 100% heterosexual might find this a bit out of her comfort spectrum. The 100% homosexual might think this is way outside of her spectrum. Where does that leave us? It leaves us with the inadequacies of language and labels.

I hate labels. The problem is, they are easy shorthand. But, it's usually a mistake to generalize from the specific.

In my experience, women are more open-minded about sexuality. This probably stems from a deep connection we have between sex and intimacy. We tend to be emotionally intimate with our friends and sometimes there's a blurring of the lines.

There's also this idea that our sexuality is static: it was, is and always will be one thing at every stage of life. Is this realistic? We note changes all through our lives but somehow, sexuality is sacrosanct. If a girl experiments in college but has now been happily married for 15 years is she a lesbian? A bisexual? I know many women who have had same-sex experiences at some point in their lives. They do not think of themselves as anything other than straight, if the thought even crosses their minds.

As for me, despite some situational bisexuality (Kit calls me an opportunity-bisexual), I hardly identify with gays or lesbian or their issues. Sympathize, yes. Identify with a group, no.

One day, I hope we can see the spectrum of sexuality as part of the human condition and not a kink.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Blast from the Past - II

So, here's a follow-up to my last post.

First, a quick aside. This has already been discussed with Steve so he won't read it here for the first time. I also don't consider it a huge deal. A deal, knowing the male ego, just not huge.

My encounter with Chris on Saturday night resulted in some mind-blowing, intense sex. Perhaps the best, pure physical, sex I've ever experienced. It was emotional as well, don't get me wrong. But, primarily, it had a raw, primeval dimension that can't be feigned or reproduced at will.

If I had to rate lovers, admittedly a crude endeavor and one open to gross oversimplification, Chris would receive a B. Steve, an A or A-. Both have flaws as lovers, as do I.

I raise this as a point of discussion. Chris is not a consistent B. He is sometimes a B- and sometimes a C or C+. However, he can also rise to an A+ or A++ at times. Sometimes brilliant, much less so at other times.

Steve is consistently very good. It's kind of like having a streaky hitter on your team as opposed to a reliable hitter. Player X might hit .425 in May but .225 in June whereas Player Y hits .325 in May and June.

So, I guess my question is: If you had to choose, do you go with the streaky, .325 hitter or the consistent .325 hitter? As for me, .425 in May is terrific but what about June? I'll take consistency over flashes of brilliance.

Admittedly, this ignores a major component of sex, at least for me: emotional attachment and love. That colors everything, relegating the physical to the back of the room.

A somewhat related question: Is a person style in bed indicative of other aspects of their life? For instance, is someone that is hot and cold as a lover also erratic in their life outside the bedroom? I do believe that selfish lovers are usually selfish people.

Now, on to other things:

Our friends at Erotic Union have posted a Part Two to a story featuring Steve and I. We really enjoyed the story and look forward to more. It's a real thrill to be a character in a story, especially one as fun to read as this one. They're good friends at Erotic Union and they run one of the more fun sex blogs. We highly recommend Erotic Union for sex blog readers. Plus, the photographs of HER are quite hot!

Also, Lou, at Unfettered Cravings had some very sweet things to say about me. I'd like to thank him. He doesn't update often but Unfettered Cravings is another quality blog that should be a must read for sex blog aficionados.

Thank you for the kind words. It's very much appreciated and humbling as well.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

A Blast from the Near Past

So, on Saturday I receive a phone call from Chris. Not all that unusual. We do speak every now and then. We also make tentative plans which usually fall through. It an elaborate dance to make us believe the relationship is still alive and well. On life-support to be sure, but a pulse can still be found.

This time, Chris invites me to his friend's birthday party. Steve had plans with Chase so I said yes. He said great, and offered to pick me up. I said yes, he said great.

Saturday afternoon came and I was stressed, anxious and having second thoughts. It had been weeks since I'd seen Chris. I half-expected a late cancellation but none came. So, I got ready.

To my surprise, things went well. Despite some initial awkward moments when he first arrived, we slipped easily into the old, comfortable, patterns. Those default settings we humans slip into, like a pair of faded, broken-in jeans. We might need new ones because this pair has seen better days but they are oh, so, comfortable.

The party was fun, Chris had a little to much to drink. His cop friends always party a bit too hard. I had to drive him home, and a few of his pals, and he invited me inside.

Chris gave me what I've come to call Punishment Sex or, "I'm really pissed you're getting married so I'll take it out on you by banging you really, really hard."

It's not as bad as it sounds. There's no violence or anything grim and, if you're in the mood for something hot and hard, it's better than make-up sex. Or, perhaps it's the swing version of make-up sex. I'm not sure. I was, however, in the mood to be manhandled and I was manhandled. Chris had enough alcohol to lower his inhibitions but too much to climax easily. It was like he had a permanent erection. And, due to recent stress, I did not complain.

There was ass-slapping and hair-pulling (very rare for Chris) and even some naughty talk from the boy. Again, rare for Chris. In fact, there was an edge to him that was slightly scary. Not serial killer scary, just unpredictable scary. Scary but so exciting. It's not a combination I want every time I have sex but once in a while....


It may have been the best sex I ever had. Easily in the top three or four. Which raises an interesting question...which I'll leave for next time.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Viewing Porn

I wanted to write a follow-up post to Piper's regarding porn.

I don't watch a lot of porn.....anymore. I used to, especially as a younger man. In college and up until age 26 or 27 I probably watched at least one movie per week, on average. Then there would be droughts, where it held zero interest for me.

In retrospect, my viewing preferences changed over time. Initially, it was all about girl-on-girl action. I wanted to see two, or more, pretty girls having sex. I always found the hottest part of any girl-girl scene the kissing. I could have watched that all day. Eating pussy was fine, but the kissing was hot.

Then the group sex, one guy and two girls was a favorite for awhile. Then, two guys and one girl. This lead, naturally, to gang bang videos.

My interest in porn took a nose dive after experiencing some of the things I saw on film. Being with two women simultaneously makes watching threesomes less intoxicating. My only regret is that I lack the stamina male performers have. How they can spend all that time with two women and not shoot their load in the first few minutes is beyond me. For me, as exciting as a threesome is, it's a humbling experience/

Now, I'll sometimes pop-in a gang bang video, one of the few things Piper and I have not tried. They get tiresome.

Currently, I watch porn about twice a month. My taste has changed considerably. Right now I'm very much into some retro-porn from the 1980's, what many consider to be the Golden Age of Porn. I did not watch my first porn movie until the 1990's, when many of the 1980's stars were out of the business, or on the down-side of their careers.

This is fantastic stuff. First, the performers seem more real. The women look healthy and natural compared with the current vintage. They also seem older, even if only by a few years. Like it wasn't a crime back then to be in a film at age 26 or 30.

I also like the emphasis on lingerie. There's a lot of it. Most women are in heels, garters etc. It's great. The big hair is great as is the horrific acting. Most, if not all, of the mainstream porn in the 1980's actually had a storyline, for lack of a better word.

Most of all, there's a more wholesome feel to it all. Most of the same things occur, lots of threesomes, anal, girl/girl, even some foursomes and moresomes. It just doesn't seem as nasty. No one is slapping anyone and the men aren't making the women gag on cock. It's quality porn and I hope to find more.

No matter what men say, I'd estimate 95% have viewed it and 90% like it. The vast majority are not serial killers. I will say that as open-minded as I am, I have seen a few films that make me uneasy. Films that should not be a young man's first introduction to porn, especially if they lack experience with dating or just being friends with the opposite sex.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Lazy Geisha Hits the Big Time

I'm not sure how many hits the Divine Lazy Geisha receives in a day. I'm pretty sure she doesn't typically get the traffic she's received the past few day. Few bloggers do. What's caused this congestion over in Geisha Land?

Some well written, thoughtful posts about a controversy in Pennsylvania that involves a 'Sex Shop.'

It's no secret that Nina's a friend. I not only admire her writing but I admire the woman as well. Mostly, I admire her willingness to jump into the fray, both barrels blazing.

The initial story can be found here. The follow-up story, complete with an LG interview of the boutique's proprietor, can be found here. I won't reiterate what has already been said in those posts. As you'll see, Nina's posts have received a lot of attention.

Too many children are sexualized at too young an age. Is it because they are "exposed" to sex boutiques? And by exposed I guess we mean that they may pass by a sex shop. That is difficult to believe when children are far more likely to be exposed, daily, to magazine covers, Victoria's Secret ads, daytime Soap Operas, certain video games..... It's part of a minefield that parents navigate everyday. The vast majority of parents seem to navigate that minefield well without calls to close shops, outlaw ads and burn books.

Would this controversy rage if the shop sold/rented violent movies and games? I can't be sure but somehow I think not.

In many ages and many places a woman of child-bearing age that controlled her own body (was unmarried) was something to be feared, tamed and ultimately broken. That impulse looks to still be alive and well.

A look at history tells us that happy, healthy, strong societies rarely go in for repression. When there is an up-tick in "culture war" activity it's usually a sign of a siege mentality that has more to do with the overall state of affairs, real or perceived, and less to do with our moral state.

I guess some of us will have to wait and see. As for Nina? She has courageously joined mounted the battlements.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Porn in the USA

Tom Paine has an interesting post on the reaction some women have to porn. Specifically, the disgust some (many?) feel knowing that their man watches such entertainment. News Flash: Men like naked women. News Flash: Just about any naked woman, if she's what they find attractive.

I am not a porn fan. In general, it does nothing for me. True, from time to time I find a particular scene intriguing or hot, but again, generally speaking, it's not my thing. On the other hand, it bothers me not at all. Indeed, I find it somewhat amusing.

Steve has a small collection of porn DVD's. They range from some fairly hardcore gang bang movies to softer, all-girl movies. I have watched with him, more out of general curiosity than from any erotic pleasure that may be derived.

Why doesn't it bother me? I don't know. It may be my personality. After watching another woman take your man's cock into her mouth, perhaps porn isn't that big a deal. However, I like to think I can take a broader view of things.

When Pompeii was discovered and excavated, they found pornographic murals and mosaics in homes. The same is true at Etruscan sites. Days after the camera become available to the public I'm sure that someone, somewhere, snapped a picture of a naked female. I'm also sure, but can't prove, that in some remote, undiscovered cave, there's a pre-historic stick-drawing of two people having sex, maybe even stick girl-on-stick girl sex. Hey, sometimes you need to unwind after a difficult mammoth hunt.

Humans change very little. Ease of access and technology change.

Men have viewed naked women f-o-r-e-v-e-r. How can that need be bad? Sure, there's some pretty over-the-top stuff out there but I'm talking about the mainstream product. There's always fringe things that upset the balance. There will always be people who can't control their needs. On the whole though, I think most people do keep things in check. Porn is a multi-billion dollar industry. Someone is watching this stuff.

I was angry at Steve about his porn viewing one time and one time only. That was when I was incredibly horny and discovered that he had already satisfied himself. Other than that...I'm good. I'm good.