Now here is where it gets interesting, I was in the locker room one day after working out in our gym and her former fuck buddy was there also. He looks at me and says, "You're dating G, right.?" "Yeah, why I asked.?" "Just wondering how you like having pussy I warmed up and used,? and he said it with a big shit eating grin. Then he asks me, "Do you eat that cunt of hers too." "I just looked at him and told him to go fuck off." But yeah, it is obvious he is enjoying knowing I was fucking pussy he had fucked and was eating it too." The whole idea was a turn on.
Now, I realize that BDenied says the whole thing turned him on, and good for him (we really like his blog, by the way and recommend it to all). But, I think it points to a common experience for many women.
Is there something about sticking your cock in a girl that causes some men to act like they own that girl? My husband sticks his cock into me. Often. And he owns me. But that's fine because I own him as well. We own each other in so many ways.
I'm not talking about the need to discuss something that happened, or light banter spiced with innuendo. What I'm talking about is that need to notch the proverbial belt after sex with a woman. As if it's a victory of some sort and share that conquest with others. I'd hardly say all men do this. I've met many men who understand and respect discretion. I will say that the bragging habit is far more prevalent among men than women.
Steve thought about it for a while when I posed the question one night. Steve did agree that many men simply must let other men know who they have fucked. It's along the same lines as letting other men know your horse came in big.
However, Steve pointed out that some men feel very protective of the women they've been with, even when it's not a steady thing. Not creepy, overbearing protective, but good protective. Once he mentioned that, I thought about it and saw his point. Still, what's the deal? Do men see sex as an athletic competition? They are competitive by nature, which probably helped us survive in the cave-man days. Why do I think it has less to do with being disrespectful towards women and more to do with breaking another man's balls?
I don't know. My mood isn't as pissy as it sounds and since Steve and I write about encounters I'm probably a hypocrite (although I do tell partners about the blog and ask permission first).
7 comments:
I don't have an answer for this, as G's former boyfriend sounds like a complete asshole.
Some guys are just assholes. Others aren't.
Some get really lucky to have cool wives like you.
And you're not a hypocrite and you're allowed to be pissy.
This is an interesting post to me because I am often confused by the behaviour of men that VSK is with. I know that basically there are a wide range of reasons for mentioning whether they have sex with this or that women, and in Bdenied's case, it was clearly assholishness mixed with some curiousity I figure. It seems to me that some guys get off on the dominance, the "I fucked that bitch" I know the real her kind of vibe. And that makes me think that at some point a woman humiliated them, and this is really a defense mechanism, to avoid getting "owned" or "pussy whipped." Those of us who like being pussy whipped probably mention fucking someone more because we are admitting how much we like the attention rather than for ownership/dominance issues. I guess I never have felt used by a woman in a way that I didn't feel some basic responsibility for.
Hey, more than you wanted to hear, no doubt!
Hi Piper-
Hope you and Steve are well.
The answer to your questions is, I believe, surprisingly simple. And universal.
It's biological wiring. For more on this, check out my post on Friday, I think, with the YouTube video on design-level Female Superiority in terms of reproduction system.
Basically, males, due to their design and wiring, are, to paraphrase the Authoress of a recent link list add of mine, Saharah Eve, walking sperm sacs.
Males are designed to become erect and spread their seed whenever an attractive female catches their eye.
So for many males, it's just natural to let others know that you have marked and penetrated a particularly alluring Vagina with your seed.
It's a biologically-wired thing, I think, and less a personality thing. Sure, some cocky, alpha-type males overdo it. But, in general, I believe it's just instinctive in the male.
My two cents.
-saratoga
It's not about ownership.
The former lover is trying to assert his alpha-male dominance by doing something hurtful, demeaning or humiliating to another male. (Which is exactly why CH gets off on it.)
Why does he do it? Because male competition is a deeply ingrained animal instinct. And because it boosts his own ego.
Why does he choose this method of dominance? Because his experience has taught him that it works--both on other guys and he's probably experienced it himself.
Why does it work? Because guys are competitive. Because we regularly compete for women. Every guy has been at a party where the object of their desire leaves with someone else. It's easy to view women as a prize and an accomplishment. That's doesn't have to be in the negative sense of "objectification" and "ownership", it can also be in the positive sense of respect and admiration.
But any accomplishment can be diminished if you are reminded that someone else has already done it. Further if you have doubts about how you measure up to that person (i.e. did they accomplished it better than you?). Further when it is implied that they don't hold your shared accomplishment in high esteem (because obviously he moved on, and in particular his usage of the degrading phrase "warmed up and used").
More concretely stated: the idea is to make you feel like "maybe I'm a loser who only gets women rejected by other guys, and maybe the woman I've got secretly thinks I'm not as good of a lover as him".
I think women have the same kinds of self-doubts, but sexual competitiveness and sexual performance are generally more male insecurities. Women have their own.
It's not a male thing, or a female thing. It's all about respect - for themeselves and for the women/women involved
Here's my two cents...
I think it's more of a primal dominance assertion thing. I mean look at the animal kingdom. It's all about who fucked who and which male is stronger and more dominant or which male can attract the most females.
There are also a lot of studies devoted to the basic primal urge men have to spread their seed. Moore females = more chance of spreading their genes and increasing their bloodline. Now we have condoms and birth control to prevent pregnancy, but that urge never went away. It's in their blood.
Bragging about the conquest or flaunting the whole "I was there first" fuels the fire. The more dominant male puffs up his chest and shows who's the bigger bird. We're all animals when it comes down to it.
On the reverse end, the primal female urge is to find the strongest best mate to help her produce her offspring. But we're talking more about men right now so I'll save that for another time.
well I have been wondering if there were going to be any more comments...thanks so much for the mention....I will just leave it at that, but you generated an interesting dialogue and I enjoyed it a lot...Oh and thanks so much for the compliment to our slice of heaven that was very nice
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