The Monogamous Hotwife

Hey, everyone! Long time no blogging. I hope you are all well and happy.

Every now and then I'll get an e-mail asking me for advice, usually of a sexual nature. Usually it's a woman wondering how she can turn her man on, rekindle the passion or be that sex goddess she knows she can be. I suppose it comes with the blog. Well, here's a little secret: I am no expert - at all. I have no better insight into men than your average gal. Sometimes, I feel like I have less than average. That happens at least once a day (twice a day during football season).

I'm also not the sexy, sultry type. I'm practically flat-chested, my hips aren't that wide and every now and then I almost fall flat on my face when I'm in heels. When I see a lady with one of those hour glass figures I think, 'There's a WOMAN' and I'm just a silly girl. I'm just not the type that can wrap a man around her finger. To sum up, consider this advice from a non-expert.

Some e-mails specifically ask about being a hotwife, mostly from women that doubt they could go through with it, despite being curious about the lifestyle. So, I thought, hey, why not write a post about how to be a hot wife, but not a Hotwife? Be that super-slut and monogamous. I've written this stuff before but maybe not in one place. Take it for what it's worth. Just a few thoughts and idea based upon some observations. It might not be for everyone or anyone. You might know all this already and it's useless. Or, maybe something here will spark an idea or two. Please add any thoughts or ideas. I'd love to hear them.

First, the easy stuff:

1) Visual Cues - Most men respond strongly to visual cues, much more so than we do. That's just a fact of life. You may as well use it. If you don't have any lingerie, remedy that situation. And I don't mean a silky, comfy nightie. I mean some garters, a corset a merry widow. If it takes more than five minutes to put on, we're on the right track.

If you're like me, you don't use a lot of makeup on a day to day basis. Go heavy on the war paint some night, especially around the eyes. I'm not saying put it on with a putty knife but going a bit heavy on the eye liner can get your guy's attention.

Walking in the bedroom in a pair of heels can wake up the sleepiest guy. You have a pair in your closet, put them on. You may want to keep them on when the action starts or you may not. I think I almost impaled Steve one night, but you may be more coordinated than I am.

When you change your hairstyle you can really change your look. Men crave variety, so try a new look. And I don't mean one of those practical Mom looks. When I put a blond streak in my hair one time, Steve loved it.

2) Verbal - I felt uncomfortable the first few times I used "naughty talk." It made me self-conscious, like I was playing a role and not doing a very good job. Well, if you're man is like mine, he won't even notice. I mean really, I have a guy that can appreciate great cinema but if he had his choice would watch grade B zombie flicks. So, when you play the part of the wanton woman, don't expect a critique. Toss in a "fuck me," from time to time. Or better yet, "fuck me from behind" (see my section on Positions in my next post). "God, your cock is big," is a nice one too.* Have a few lines handy. No, we're not porn stars but if your man watches some porn, he likes it and I bet he likes the dirty talk. There's nothing wrong with playing the part from time to time.

3) Fantasy Talk - If you are like us, there's a lot of talking going on in the bedroom. Sometimes we like to talk about our fantasies. I'll talk about what Steve likes and he'll talk about what I like. It's very different. While I'm telling him about how I'd love to have him watch while I get gang banged, he's telling me about our romantic night on a tropical island. But, it's fun as long as you both let go and realize its fantasy.

Ask your guy if he ever fantasizes about having another woman in bed. Go with it. Tell him how you'd like to join in. It may be the furthest thing from your idea of a good time but so what? Half the men I know unabashedly admit they like the "girl-girl" thing. I'm betting a good majority of the remainder like it as well. Plus, if you plant the seed that you may just be a little bi-curious, it will create a little sexual mystery about you.

Of course, it is important to be very non-judgmental** in all of this. You can't ask him to verbalize a fantasy and then obsess about it afterwards. "Why does he want to do a threesome? Aren't I enough?" Relax, it's a fantasy. You are enough or he wouldn't be with you. But he probably already has that fantasy anyway, whether he verbalizes it or not, so where's that get you. You may as well go with it.

This is getting long so I'll do a two-parter. Next, we'll get down to the nitty-gritty.

* "God you're big," should only be used with men who are slightly below average in size and up. If the guy is really small, it'll just sound stupid.

** Being non-judgmental has its limits. I pride myself on taking a live-and-let-live attitude but really. If he starts to fantasize about animals, kids, Rosie O'Donnell or Newt Gingrich you may want to schedule an appointment for him.