A lot has changed since I've become engaged. The most surprising change has been a strange evolution in how I observe other couples.
Hell, that I observe them at all. Before, I could obviously see other couples. Talk to them, know they were dating, engaged, married, what have you. That's where it ended.
Now, I often wonder about what a person's partner says about them. What does it mean when you see a man with a strong, assertive, smart woman? Or maybe he chose a shy, beauty or a the meek, quiet type.
When a man chooses a strong-willed, smart, aggressive woman is it because he is self-confident? If he chooses the quiet, passive type, does he lack self-confidence?
I never thought about it before becoming engaged and I have no idea why my mind has taken such a turn. My mind was designed to ponder such important questions as whether Jim Rice should be in the Hall of Fame (yes) or blonds or brunettes (brunettes). Now this! Thinking about relationships!
Is our partner a mirror? Obviously, since our partner is our choice they are, to some degree, a reflection of us. Is it like standing in front of the bathroom mirror and seeing a clear image? Or is it more like one of those whacky, crazy mirrors that distort your reflection?
Is it all random? My observations, and it hasn't been long since I started observing, is that I rarely see a couple with the same, overall personality. Does this mean we compliment one another or does it mean we choose people who are less likely to compromise our personality?
I don't know if that's important or not. I do know that every day I wake up amazed that I have a girl like Piper.
I should stick to the Jim Rice question.
3 comments:
I dated, even lived with, a woman who was just like me. It took awhile to grok it but it was not a good match. We had the same strengths and the same weaknesses. Having the same strengths might not seem bad, but it is possibly worse than sharing the same weaknesses. Everyone has things that make them feel good and build up their ego. We were always competing over those ego-building topics--who has better taste in music, who is a better cook, who can tell the funniest story... even over sex.
Now I'm married to a woman who has a personality that is mostly opposite from mine, but who has the same fundamental views on life (raising kids, money, politics, etc.) We share hobbies and interests, but we aren't trying to stand in the "same space" at the same time. It's complementary.
Of course we encounter frustrations of the "why can't you be more like me" variety instead. But I find those are more easily worked out than "stop being you because I already called dibs on that personality". And those issues are further offset by the benefits that come from having someone on your team who looks at things from a different perspective.
Steve -
"My mind was designed to ponder such important questions as whether Jim Rice should be in the Hall of Fame (yes) "
Jim Rice is a bitter, bitter man - but if you really look at his numbers objectively, he was a "good" player, not necessarily great - a reliable slugger - but his career was comparatively short, and his relationship with the sports media (who as you know vote on HOF entry) was never very good. Jim Rice just wasn't a well liked guy - and that could be a big part of the reason why he hasn't been voted in. But - this year looks good for Jimmy! And 2008 is his last year on the ballot too. I think he'll get in with this year's class.
Re: Relationships
Awwww, is my sweet Piper presenting a challenge to you? lmao!
Well, I can't say why guys choose the women they do - but we choose men who compliment us, who allow us to room to be who we are without trying to suffocate us, and who make us feel needed, and special, and cherished, and protected.
It's hard enough being a woman in this world - the last thing we ever want is to have to worry about living up to our partner's expectations of who they think we're supposed to be. We'd rather just be who we are and have you love us anyway.
nina
I never much liked the cocept of a partner being the person that completes you because that always seems to imply you're half of a person. A mirror would imply that they are merely a reflection of you. To me, a partner isn't a mirror or the missing puzzle piece. I think it's more about balancing each other out and where one is more aggressive, the other is less aggressive. I'm the type of woman who needs the strong silent type. Bull keeps me in line and doesn't tolerate my shit, but he also looks out for me and stands up for me. I make him feel warmth and unconditional love, he makes me feel and protected. We also seem to challenge each other in areas the other needs to work the hardest on. Balance.
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