Female Sexuality....

Or, I can have my cake and Edith too.

There's been a number of posts recently in my corner of Cyberia dealing with the fluidity of female sexuality. Tom Paine had a recent entry as did Nina. Both posts discuss the 'fluidity' of female sexuality.

I decided to add my two cents after reading these very thoughtful, fellow bloggers.

It's cliche, but I do believe that sexuality is a spectrum. For women, it extends from one extreme: complete heterosexuality to another: complete homosexuality. There's vast acreage in between those two frontiers that many of us wander.

Example: I have a girlfriend, a dear friend, and whenever we greet or say goodbye, we kiss. Almost always on the lips, mouths always closed. We hug, we sometimes stroll arm-in-arm. That's it. Nothing more. It's probably as physically and emotionally intimate as you can get with a platonic friend. There's never been a hint of romance or a suggestion of anything more than friendship. Our intimacy just happens to manifest itself in a more physical way than other relationships.

The 100% heterosexual might find this a bit out of her comfort spectrum. The 100% homosexual might think this is way outside of her spectrum. Where does that leave us? It leaves us with the inadequacies of language and labels.

I hate labels. The problem is, they are easy shorthand. But, it's usually a mistake to generalize from the specific.

In my experience, women are more open-minded about sexuality. This probably stems from a deep connection we have between sex and intimacy. We tend to be emotionally intimate with our friends and sometimes there's a blurring of the lines.

There's also this idea that our sexuality is static: it was, is and always will be one thing at every stage of life. Is this realistic? We note changes all through our lives but somehow, sexuality is sacrosanct. If a girl experiments in college but has now been happily married for 15 years is she a lesbian? A bisexual? I know many women who have had same-sex experiences at some point in their lives. They do not think of themselves as anything other than straight, if the thought even crosses their minds.

As for me, despite some situational bisexuality (Kit calls me an opportunity-bisexual), I hardly identify with gays or lesbian or their issues. Sympathize, yes. Identify with a group, no.

One day, I hope we can see the spectrum of sexuality as part of the human condition and not a kink.