How to Please a Woman

...or at least this woman.

This post was suggested by a reader. He made the suggestion after my post on how to please a man. Since I'm suffering from bloggers block lately I thought his idea might help me out a bit. Like the previous post, this is all about what happens between the sheets....or on top of the sheets or with no sheets at all.

Like men, all women are different when it comes to pleasure. Nonetheless, are a few things that, if not universal, are generally applicable to all women. So, without further ado, How to Please a Woman.

I could start with something sarcastic and say: Turn into a bag of Hershey Chocolate Kisses at 1:00AM, but I would never say that. I wouldn't even think that.

1. Desire - Nothing physical required. A woman wants to be desired. Don't be shy. Express that desire in words. I've heard men say they feel self-conscious about expressing desire. They completely miss the point. It's about her, not about feeling self-conscious. Feeling desired is a wonderful aphrodisiac. Tell her she's beautiful, gorgeous, hot....whatever words you would use. Expressing a desire for her when you have zero chance of getting laid is also a great idea. It has a sincerity that is sometimes missing when you say it while your cock is already in her mouth.

2. Foreplay - Personally, I can't overstate how much I love foreplay. This is a great time for expressing desire (see #1 above). Remember, we are not the visual creatures that men are. Recently, a woman sent Steve a photo of herself exposing her breasts. He was turned on by this naked stranger. But guys, a picture of you naked? Not so much. There are exceptions of course (just about any member of the US Olympic Swim Team comes to mind) but those are few and far between. Point is, expressing desire and foreplay lead us to wanting you. We don't go straight for the cock. I know some men view foreplay like the National Anthem before a big game: Yes, they love their country but they want to get to the first pitch. Try engaging in foreplay until she can't take it anymore. It might take a while but it'll be worth the wait.

3. Express Excitement - When it comes to sex, stoicism is bad. Nothing is worse than being with a man that lies there, quietly. We have egos and we want to know we're pleasing you. Tell us what feels good. You'll get more of it, trust me.

4. Priority - Try to have her climax first. It sounds selfish but it makes sense. When a man goes too far too fast the night might end prematurely. By ensuring that she cums first, some of the pressure is off. It doesn't matter how: Fingers, mouth or a combination of both.

5. Expand the Map - Sex often focuses on the obvious parts of the body: Tits, pussy, ass. Don't forget about other areas. Attention to areas such as the neck, shoulders and back can reap great rewards for both people. Any part of the body can be an erogenous zone. That's different than saying every part of the body should be an erogenous zone but that's all up to you.

6. Pace - During a good speech, the speaker will often vary the volume of their voice. We tend to pay more attention to a speaker when they get louder or when their voice falls below normal volume. This variety also works during sex when it comes to pace. It can't be all fast and hard or all slow and soft. Mixing it up is good. We can become overstimulated, especially after an orgasm. If a woman stops you, it's not because she doesn't like it, it's usually just the opposite. Concentrate on something else for a while and we'll be ready again real soon.

Well, that's it for now. Nothing I've mentioned is any huge secret and it may not work for every woman. We're all different. The above is the formula that works for me. Some might find it ironic that there's virtually nothing mentioned about actual penetration (aside from the pace comment). I can't speak for anyone else but me but I think you'll find that for many women the most important parts of sex occur before and after actual penetration and the greatest erogenous zones are the heart and mind.

The Quiet Life

Not much to report on our end. Things are pretty quiet. We did get a question from a regular reader. He asked if we ever watched Swingtown?

That's an easy one: No. Not only haven't we watched Swingtown, we haven't even heard anything about the show. So, if you have seen the show, share your thoughts. Frankly, we're more into shows like Lost and Prison Break.

Since we can't offer you anything salacious, we thought we'd pass on a few new links. We discovered both blogs after checking our stat counter, something we don't often do. Therefore, we're always late in thanking those that have linked to Babylon Visited.

First up is Bacon & Lettuce. This is a really fun blog and we're having fun going through their archives. They look like a fun couple and we think you'll enjoy not only the entries but also the photographs. She is one hot lady. So enjoy. It's easily one of the better blogs we've stumbled upon.

Next is Sexy Wife In Georgia. She's a sexy wife. In Georgia. She doesn't update much but it's still a fun read.

So, since we're so boring, we recommend those fine products. We think you'll like them and if you don't, you can return them, no questions asked.

Reader Questions

I received an e-mail from a reader (name withheld) so I thought I'd share:

I am married with two young boys and have found that just managing one relationship and being a Father is exhausting. I find that what I crave most is not more sex or other relationships outside of my marriage but more time to myself and freedom to do things that I want to do. My own experience made me wonder about you and other bloggers that I have read; how are you able to balance the demands of multiple relationships that involve sex and intimacy with someone outside of your primary relationship? Do you feel as though you give as much to both partners? Or is the secondary relationship primarily just a sexual outlet? I also am curious about your thoughts on what will happen if you have a family would you still pursue relationships outside your marriage?

All good questions. I will share my thoughts on those issues and I encourage other bloggers to share their thoughts as well.

I've tried one relationship outside of my main relationship with Steve. By relationship I mean spending a lot of time together outside of the bedroom, going on dates, talking, holding hands, sharing hopes, dreams and developing emotional intimacy. That relationship was with Chris and although everyone went into that relationship knowing Steve was my main man, it was difficult, messy and exhausting.

That's still true. I haven't written about Chris in a while but he's still somewhere in the picture. Where exactly is hard to define. The relationship is currently in a vampire-like state: neither living nor dead. Hence, my vow to never, ever try a second relationship again. The emotional toll is too high for everyone.

The current 'other man' is Cooper and that relationship is much easier. He's a great guy and fun to be with but it's mostly bedroom stuff and it's always at Steve's instigation. Not that I don't enjoy my time with Cooper and pleasing Steve. But, if Steve wanted to go totally monogamous tomorrow, that would be fine with me. Cooper has become part of our sex life but not an intimate part of my life.

So, it's really not that time consuming, anymore. If you read the archives, there's actually not much actual swinging going on this past year. It was time consuming when Chris and I were in high gear. It was exhausting. I was tired, lost weight and in retrospect, stressed-out much of the time. I did feel like I gave too much, which was frustrating because Chris felt like I was not giving enough. Steve saw the stress and suggested I slow down a bit.

As for having a family, we'll have to discuss that when it happens. I do want babies and from what I've seen and heard, it will be tough finding time to be intimate with Steve, let alone anyone else. I suspect that raising children dampens the sex lives of the most enthusiastic swingers.

That's about it from my perspective. We'd love to hear from others on this topic: their thoughts and how they've approached or handled the same situation.

Thank You X 3

Over the weekend we received an e-mail from Audacia Ray about being featured in the Village Voice's Naked City blog. We agreed. It was a lot of fun and we'd like to thank Audacia for the opportunity. It was very cool for a modest, little blog to be featured.

We also want to thank Wanton Maleness for mentioning us to Audacia. He's a great blogger, a good blog friend and was recently highlighted in Naked City as well. He was also featured in Ellie Lumpesse's series on Musings on Masculinity. So, he's hit the big time. We hope he remembers us when he's famous.

Seriously, when people on our blog roll (and he and Chickpea may have been the first bloggers to link to me when I started) get recognition, we always try to acknowledge it on this blog.

Finally, we'd like to take the time to thank those of you who read us, comment here and have added us to their blog roll. It means a lot to us. Thank you.

I've always liked Wanton Maleness for a number of reasons. Although his posts on sex can be fun and hot, I like him most when he explores that mysterious, semi-mythological land of male emotions. Sex and sex-related blogs still seems dominated by females. There are great, male bloggers but not all of them write about what goes on in the heart. The male reticence to verbalize what they're feeling seems to have spilled over into writing. Wanton Maleness explores that undiscovered country.

When I'm in emotional turmoil, I want to talk. And talk. And talk. I work my way through things while talking to Steve or a friend. Men, Steve in particular, have a need to resolve things before they talk. The conversation usually ends up like this, "I acted that way because I was feeling...." It would be nice to be let in on what's going on while it's going on. I think most men are like that. I do not think it will change.

Perhaps it's their way of being strong for themselves and for us. If so, I love them for that. Just remember, we want to know you, even when you're not at your strongest. We like to feel not merely wanted, but needed. But not too needed.

So, to you men out there: If you find the perfect blend of masculinity and sensitivity, are strong when we need you're strength, vulnerable when we want you vulnerable and verbalize your emotions, but not too much, we'll be happy.

Who says we're not easy to please?

Added Feature

I've been pecking away at a new project. I wanted to try my hand at Erotica but two things became obvious: 1) There are enough talented and not so talented erotic writers in Cyberia and 2) I would fall into the 2nd category.


Instead, I've created something that combines myth, legend, humor and smut (not Erotica, just plain smut) with a modern sensibility. I call it Homer-Erotica. I'm not promising anything grand but I hope it's fun and I hope a few of you take a look. Now that the dog days of Summer are here, I thought it be a good time to roll it out. I will probably add a chapter every two or three weeks.


You can find it at Ancient Evenings, available only at Babylon Visited (at no extra charge).


Have a great weekend.

Tales from The Cape - II

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Tales from the Cape

Our official summer vacation was everything a vacation should be. The week was relaxing and although we do not travel that great a distance, traffic was stress free. The weather wasn't great but on the whole, no too bad. Thursday saw rain, but that's fine. Nothing like cuddling-up with a good book on a rainy day.

We spent the first three days alone. Just Steve and I. We even made a pact not to discuss the wedding. A pact we almost kept.

I love the time I spend at the house and hope to get back there for at least one long weekend before summer ends. I love waking to the sounds of the ocean. I love that the sound of a phone seems alien. I love that the television, and even the radio, is rarely on.

Most of all, the entire atmosphere does two things to Steve:

1) Makes him more amorous and horny;
2) Makes him more intimate.

Why amorous and horny? I make a distinction. For me amorous implies a full range of romantic actions: holding hands, long walks, talking, staring into each others eyes, discussing important things. Horny to me implies a much more base instinct. These getaways bring out the romantic in Steve and the animal. It's kind of like living with Larry Talbot, without the claws.

I got to see both sides and liked it.

Our first night ended in a slow, passionate, lovemaking session after sharing a wonderful Petite Syrah. It was an intimate night with a lot of hand holding and gazing into eyes (each others). I needed to be held, told I was beautiful, told that I was loved.

I thought the next night would be a pass. Both of us were exhausted and ready for bed early. But no. In contrast to the previous evening, where we evoked Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity, Sunday night was like a scene from Bend Over Babes. Heck, I thought afterwards that Steve might thank me, throw a few dollars onto the damp mattress and leave.

Later in the week we had some friends over. That's for the next post.

And before I forget, and I usually do:

A big thanks to our friends at Erotic Union for riffing on my last post. It's always an honor when fellow bloggers dedicate an entire entry to something you've written. They've become pretty good friends as well. Thanks Guys!

Alicia's got a great post at Night Orchid. One I really enjoyed. I suspect male road trips are not quite the same.


One of the best male bloggers, Wanton Maleness, has an intense post. As I mentioned in a comment to him, I thought it was powerful but made me vaguely uneasy. Not uneasy in a negative way, just uneasy.

And The Butterfly Temptress has been back for a while. This post is why I missed her.


Finally, does anyone else find it amusing that Blogger spellcheck doesn't recognize the term 'bloggers?'