I am married with two young boys and have found that just managing one relationship and being a Father is exhausting. I find that what I crave most is not more sex or other relationships outside of my marriage but more time to myself and freedom to do things that I want to do. My own experience made me wonder about you and other bloggers that I have read; how are you able to balance the demands of multiple relationships that involve sex and intimacy with someone outside of your primary relationship? Do you feel as though you give as much to both partners? Or is the secondary relationship primarily just a sexual outlet? I also am curious about your thoughts on what will happen if you have a family would you still pursue relationships outside your marriage?
All good questions. I will share my thoughts on those issues and I encourage other bloggers to share their thoughts as well.
I've tried one relationship outside of my main relationship with Steve. By relationship I mean spending a lot of time together outside of the bedroom, going on dates, talking, holding hands, sharing hopes, dreams and developing emotional intimacy. That relationship was with Chris and although everyone went into that relationship knowing Steve was my main man, it was difficult, messy and exhausting.
That's still true. I haven't written about Chris in a while but he's still somewhere in the picture. Where exactly is hard to define. The relationship is currently in a vampire-like state: neither living nor dead. Hence, my vow to never, ever try a second relationship again. The emotional toll is too high for everyone.
The current 'other man' is Cooper and that relationship is much easier. He's a great guy and fun to be with but it's mostly bedroom stuff and it's always at Steve's instigation. Not that I don't enjoy my time with Cooper and pleasing Steve. But, if Steve wanted to go totally monogamous tomorrow, that would be fine with me. Cooper has become part of our sex life but not an intimate part of my life.
So, it's really not that time consuming, anymore. If you read the archives, there's actually not much actual swinging going on this past year. It was time consuming when Chris and I were in high gear. It was exhausting. I was tired, lost weight and in retrospect, stressed-out much of the time. I did feel like I gave too much, which was frustrating because Chris felt like I was not giving enough. Steve saw the stress and suggested I slow down a bit.
As for having a family, we'll have to discuss that when it happens. I do want babies and from what I've seen and heard, it will be tough finding time to be intimate with Steve, let alone anyone else. I suspect that raising children dampens the sex lives of the most enthusiastic swingers.
That's about it from my perspective. We'd love to hear from others on this topic: their thoughts and how they've approached or handled the same situation.
1 comment:
For 'our side', while we do have a family (and spend a lot of time doing family activities), ours isn't really a full-on separate relationship. It is, mainly, just something that I get to enjoy once a month or so.
There are emails exchanged in the meanwhile, and an occasional text message here or there, but that's the extent of the emotional or time investment.
Your reader mentioned that when he does have time, he seeks more time to himself and freedom to do things that he wants to do and, I might be wrong, I read that need for 'alone time' as release from the stresses of everyday life. For me, my relationship with my own 'other' (also, coincidentally, named Chris) is that release.
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