On Naughty Talk

Naughty talk during sex: Some of us love it, others don't. Few are likely to be on the fence.

I love it. It's a turn on. It gets me hot. It gets me wet. If your default setting on the sexual ideology scale leans towards submissive, as does mine, naughty talk is a natural garnish to the sexual entree. And lets be clear. When I say submissive, I'm reminded of what Nina said over at Lazy Geisha: There's a difference between being submissive and being "a submissive." If you're a take-charge kind of guy, I'm there. If you like seeing your woman in a ball gag, keep moving. There's nothing to see here.

Some, Steve for instance, use naughty talk for orders and questions: "Suck my cock.....You like giving head, don't you....." Others, Luke for instance, like to describe and define: "You're such a slut....You're my bitch..."

My physical reaction to naughty talk sends a clear signal to my partner that such verbal play is more than acceptable. For me, it's all in good fun. It's foreplay. It always stops at the bedroom door, or the door of whichever room you happen to be in at the time.

Others do not like the naughty talk.

The real question for a man is, how does one determine if naughty talk is OK and the parameters of such talk? I can get off being called a whore in the heat of the moment, particularly if I'm acting like one. On the other hand, a partner once got over-heated and thought cunt-face was appropriate. A flag was called on that play.

There's always the direct route: Just ask. This has its drawbacks in terms of spontaneity. Case in point, Cooper's recent venture into the realm of naughty talk.

Picture me, on my knees, blowing Cooper. Out of nowhere:

Cooper: Do you like talking dirty?

Me: Uh-huh

Cooper: What's alright for me to say?

Me: What do you want to say?

Cooper: I want to call you something.

Me: What do you want to call me?

Cooper: Do you mind if I call you a slut?

Me: Nope.

Cooper: You're a slut.

Well, if you like your blow jobs uninterrupted be a giggle fit, the open, honest method has it's problems. At least during the act. Give yourself appropriate lead-time.

Another choice is the Grenade Method. Toss it out there and see what happens. The drawbacks are quite obvious with this method. The shrapnel is going to blowback. It's just a matter of direction. If she climaxes within ten or twenty seconds after being called a slut or whore or bitch, she's probably fine with it. If, on the other hand, you find yourself standing half-naked on her doorstep within ten or twenty seconds, you have your answer.

There's the Gradual Method, where you work up to where you wish to be. This is great if time is not of the essence. You can start gradually, with innocuous phrases: "You like that, don't you. You're a naughty girl...." If you pay attention, and care, you'll discover her boundries.

Now, I'd like to thank all of you for your kind words of congratulations. It means a lot to both of us. Thank you so much. And a special thanks to Him & Her at Erotic Union and Saratoga, for the Cat Woman video posted in my honor. That was sweet of him.