Saturday, February 16, 2008

Bitch-Zillas

We promised this wouldn't become a Wedding Blog but a few posts every now and then won't kill anyone, will it? Uhm....will it?

I made Steve sit down with me the other night and watch Bridezillas. It was a traumatic experience for him. He quickly re-christened the show Bitchzillas and, after watching a few more minutes, Cuntzillas.

Can't say I blamed him. Both terms were accurate appraisals of the bride's behavior toward her mom, friends and fiance.

While Steve watched with dawning horror he would sneak a look at me out of the corner of his eye. Bridezillas is a brilliant show. It's unbelievable that anyone would treat strangers the way these brides-to-be treat family and friends. I can't remember if it was Bridezillas or another show but I actually so some woman slap a seamstress because she didn't like the way the gown was turning out. Disturbing behavior to to say the least. I was glad to see the shops owner escort the person out and tell them their business was no longer desired.

"Please," said Steve, "tell me these girls were bitches all along. It's not the wedding...right?"

I laughed. "I'm sure they're bitchy about everything. Don't worry."

I know this is a small segment of brides but their behavior is still breathtaking. It's amazing the amount of time, energy, money and emotion they expend in their quest for unattainable perfection while accomplishing little more than alienating friends and family. And whatever happened to dignity and grace? Are those qualities no longer valued? No longer taught?

The would-be grooms? Such wimps. It's one thing to cut your fiancee some slack. It's another to be a Grad-A Pussy. If you surrender your testicles before the wedding think what it will be like afterwards.

After the show was over I told Steve that I just wanted him to see how lucky he was to have me. He got a handjob out of it so he didn't complain.


I have noted that when people speak of their wedding day, it's usually the goof-ups they remember......with fondness and a smile. Why demand perfection when you can have warm, fun memories instead?

3 comments:

Chickpea said...

Anyone who allows this kind of behavior before a wedding is setting themself up for sheer misery. Why do you think the divorce rate in this country is so high? It's all about a party and presentation and maxing out the credit cards, not about the vows. If people spent a fraction of the time planning their future marriage that they planning ONE day, marriage would mean something again. And they say gays are the ones ruining the sanctity of marriage. What the fuck ever. /end soapbox rant.

Anonymous said...

I hate the show with a passion and it is for the very reason you mention. None of them has a polite or mannerly way about them. Their mothers look as if they want to die and if they were mine, I would feel the same.

Sometimes I cry that The Knight and I didn't go through with our original wedding plans. I so wanted the dress, the cake, the whole beautiful thing, but when he held me close and told me he couldn't wait, just in case I didn't live that long, it was a done deal.

In the end it was a simple ceremony with us and a preacher in the city park but it was perfect. Intimate, touching, and nothing was lost in the little details. He says if I go into remission we'll do it again, but seriously...I am his wife. What more is there?

Make it all about the two of you. Nothing else matters but the reason that you're both there that day, even if you have rubbery chicken and dry cake. It's all about the love!

P.S. That being said, if you're looking for a long distance event planner/wedding coordinator, I'd be happy to help! ;)

Nightmare said...

amen!