How can I describe Chris' reaction to my engagement? In weather forcasting terms, a cold front blew in for a few weeks. It was a bitter cold. They kind of cold where you don't want to go outside. You just want to cuddle-up on the couch, in front of the fire, with a good book and a cup of tea. His reaction is completely understandable. I certainly not being judgmental nor am I suggesting I would react differently if the roles were reversed. That doesn't make it easier, however.
Chris initiated the first phone call about five days after I dropped the news. My intuition told me he called so he could be frosty. Some passive-aggressive payback, perhaps. Or, perhaps, he wanted to get the first post-engagement contact out of the way. I'm not sure.
After about three weeks I placed a few calls. There was a lot of, "I'm busy right now, I'll get back to you," type of responses. He is busy, that's true. He has always taken plenty of overtime when offered.
In mid-January we finally got together. Things were awkward but both of us kept our game faces on and tried to act like things were normal. That made it feel worse. A few days later Chris called as he was leaving work. He stopped by. There was very little talk. He took me into the bedroom and we fucked. It was fast and furious. He wanted to butt-fuck me but didn't wait until I was ready. That hurt and I was really sore afterwards. I think it was more punishment. And, no it wasn't anything approaching rape. I knew he wanted it and I didn't say anything. I just gritted my teeth and took it to please him.
The big talk came last week when we had a heart-to-heart. Nothing was really resolved but there was some anger and tears. I pretty much told him that I wanted him to be my lover for as long as he wanted to be my lover. I laid my cards on the table and left the ball in his court. I also mixed many metaphores as well.
Driving home after that talk I vowed to never get emotionally involved again. If Steve and I pursue our lifestyle in the future, that's all well and good. I do not want to get emotionally involved with someone else. Nothing beyond what I'd feel for any friend. I'm not going to start having sex with strangers. That's never been for me. It will be with people I like and know but I won't have another boyfriend. No dates or long talks. Can't do it. I'm not built that way.
4 comments:
I'm not built that way either. Knowing that one small fact about myself is the very reason that The Knight and I are taking things slowly when talking about ever bringing someone else in. It's one thing if it's just sex, but anything more is reserved for the two of us because what we have is so unbelievably rare.
All the best to you and yours.
Love,
The Butterfly Temptress
Chris' reaction is pretty understandable given the emotional connection you share. I am not built that way either, that is why while I am friends with the men we play with I could never continue if I felt it was becoming something emotional.
I do hope that you and Chris can work out what is best for both of you.
Ms SD
Well done. I'm sure that was no fun, but you handled it well.
I don't think you should leave the door open for Chris though. The kindest cut is to let it fade away. I do not think he will ever be able to transition into purely "recreational" sex after having had more (and having hoped for even more than he had). He will only build up resentment that will bubble to the surface every few months.
Move on and take new lovers where your engagement to Steve is built into the initial premise. Even though you aren't planning on monogamy, you need to close the chapter on your single life and open a new one as a married couple. (Not unlike closing one blog and starting another.) Anyone who doesn't fit the new paradigm won't get to participate. More precisely: I am thinking that Chase might make the transition, while Chris will not.
Maybe you got into boyfriend territory easier with Chris because it wasn't certain which way Steve was going to go. I recall a time where you questioned if he'd ever propose so maybe knowing that made it easier to let emotion get involved so he could be your alternative. Not outwardly, maybe just in your subconscious somewhere.
This reaction seems pretty tame though compared to how he reacted about the other guys you've been with and his reaction to that. The angry forceful sex... it's something guys do. Bull has even done it to me and I see it as punishment without being cruel. It's a power thing. Also, very tactful not having your ring on.
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