Yes, like most female sex bloggers I get the occasional e-mail asking me how to keep a man happy. They are sincere requests. My usual reply is sincere as well: I have no real idea how to keep a man happy. I believe I keep a particular man happy but as for men....I've been dumped more than once so I obviously lack a secret formula. However, I will share my thoughts.
Most of these e-mails, and I only get one or two every few months, are explicitly or implicitly couched in sexual terms. Therefore, I will offer my thoughts on the bedroom aspect of the relationship with the caveat that great sex enhances good and great relationships but does not create relationships or save relationship.
1. Recognize that Men are Individuals:
Seriously. They are, especially after the age of 25. As much as women don't deserve treatment as a monolithic block, men don't either. Did I just use the term 'monolithic block' on a sex blog? I think I did. Is that a first?
2. Appreciate that His Sex Drive is Different:
Seriously. Every woman who isn't a virgin knows this and the smart ones don't take it personally. His sex drive is very visual and on many days not what we'd consider romantic. Sure, we love it when Cinderella rides off with the Prince in his carriage, but we know that later on she might just be on her hands and knees, ass in the air. But, since he's visual, use it. That means lingerie, maybe just a pair of heels, or maintaining eye contact during a blow job (see #3). And don't worry about feeling silly. I once did a striptease for Steve and felt utterly clumsy and ridiculous. He thought it was hot. The best part about #2 is that once you take his sex drive into consideration you now have the authority to request that he take your sex drive into consideration. Now that I just treated men as a monolithic block, lets move on.
3. Blow Jobs:
Blow jobs are like pizza or beer: they have to really suck before you push them away. If you refuse to perform orally there's not really anything we can do for you. If you won't go down on your man chances are some woman has done so in his past. He knows what he's missing. A woman who won't give, at the very least, a workmanlike, enthusiastic blow job is like a major league pitcher without a change-up. You might make it to the majors, but you won't be staying.
4. Don't take His Fantasies Seriously:
Talking and fantasizing during sex can be very hot. Just remember, if you ask him to fantasize out loud and he says something like, :"I'd love to watch you with two men," don't look at him like you just discovered severed human heads in his closet. Most people don't really want a sexual fantasy to become reality. Many women, not me, fantasize on some variation of the abduction/rape scenario. No one has ever told me they want it to happen.
5. Communicate:
Cliche? Yes. Once you get over the embarrassment hurdle, tell him what you like (which by implication alerts him to what you don't like if he at least has a high school diploma and if he doesn't have a high school diploma....). Find out what he likes. Oh, before I forget, if you don't use much profanity in your daily life, toss in an occasional "fuck me." It will shock him and turn him on. A great formula. Just don't overuse the line.
6. Money Shot:
At least once in his life he'll want to emulate a porn movie. Let him ejaculate in your mouth. If you just can't, let him ejaculate on your face. If that's still a 'no go' you have tits, a stomach, a back....Although I usually have no problems with swallowing or a facial, I completely understand it if you do. But, there are other parts of your body and it's cum, not battery acid.
7. Tell Him He's Big:
Tell him he's big.
If you do all of these things, or most of them, I think your Man will be happy in the bedroom. If he doesn't appreciate those things, to hell with him. Still, I believe most men will more than appreciate your efforts. Just my thoughts.
Back soon with some vacation stories.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Piper, It's been a very, very long time since I stpped by and commented.
But today's words of wisdom is so true. I whole-heartedly agree with every point here, (well, maybe except the last one only because I think all men who are honest with themselves know where they rank and we aren't fooling anybody there).
You really nailed points #1 & #2. I could not have said those any better.
Your analogy on #3 is great, and without sounding too pigish...also true. Ladies, we do indeed know what we are missing and we do know if you're into or not.
I'm going to forward the permalink to a few certain ladies I know, because coming from another woman, it may help them grasp these concepts you so elloquently captured.
Great stuff Piper. You always bring a smile to our faces. Love the latest entry, we have used some of your quotes on our site. Hope that is okay. Again we are so glad you are back!
Bravo Piper! I'm a man and couldn't have said it better myself.
We men are simple creatures. We want to love our wives, girlfriends, significant others, etc. , keep the drama to a minimum and have sex. I don't think we are hard to figure out.
Once again, in the Piper style, you are spot on.
Wow. I think this is something that should ne printed and handed to brides on their wedding day. Bravo!
Awesome entry. I totally agree about the blowjobs. You don't always have to do it to completion, but some enthusiasm and eye contact go a loooong way.
I really liked this Piper. It always pays to know your man and treat him right. Well done post.
This is a great post - you're so spot on about the blowjobs. I find it frustrating that so many women find them gross or demeaning or just don't like doing them, especially since I was once one of them. But since starting to read more about sex, I realised that a negative attitude towards any sexual act begets bad sex - so I just changed my attitude. BJs are no longer icky, they're sexy as hell. Having the power to make a man moan and squirm with my mouth? That's an ego boost right there. Women need to embrace giving oral as a positive act and stop being afraid of it.
Here's the real question: how did you get so damn smart? This stuff ain't making it into Women's Studies 101. I guess the first thing is to like men, realize they aren't trying to be idiots, it just comes natural to us. But really, how you got from point A to queen of all she surveys would make for an interesting post. Like all of your posts.
Post a Comment