Reader Questions - II

Here's Part - II of my response to a reader inquiry. See the previous post for the first part of the question.

First, the question:

Also, what would happen if either of you requests that the other not participate in physical relationships outside your future marriage or current relationship? Is that something that either of you have contemplated? I was wondering what would happen if either of you decides that they no longer wanted to share the other with another person outside the relationship? Which leads me to ask, is the swinging a vital aspect of your relationship or just an entertaining mutual interest between the two of you that you could easily walk away from if the other person wanted to stop swinging.

Whew! That is the heart of the matter, isn't it. What would happen if.....?

Again, this is quite easy for me and I hope easy for Steve (but I'll let him respond if he chooses).

I would be perfectly happy in a monogamous relationship. More importantly, if Steve asked me to stop having sex with others, I wouldn't hesitate to comply with that request. I would not think twice.

Unlike some, that's an easy question for me to answer. Steve loves seeing me with other men and women. It's his fantasy and it's come true. As I've said before, I enjoy it and I enjoy pleasing Steve. However, if he ever wanted me to stop that would mean he no longer gets off on seeing me with other people. I wouldn't want to do something my partner does not like.

Would I miss it? To a certain extent, yes. It is enjoyable. In the long run I could live quite happily in a monogamous relationship. Swinging is not vital to the relationship, just an unorthodox adjunct to the relationship.

VSK also left a comment on the last post:

I like this sentence: "If you love someone, you honor reasonable requests." What if your partner makes what you think is an unreasonable request? Ah, your way sounds good, but I have had some difficulty with reason and emotion. Sometimes you can get two strong answers.

Fair question and one I probably can't answer to any one's satisfaction. When it comes to mere swinging, as opposed to a relationship, I think it's eminently reasonable to say: "Don't fuck that person." That's just the way I feel. I don't see how it's ever unreasonable to make that request.

Now, if you're heavy into the polyamorous thing, meaning having an emotional and physical relationship with someone else, that's a problem. Speaking for myself, I wonder if sustaining two relationships isn't too much for most people over the long haul. The second relationship will probably fizzle out under a myriad of constraints, both emotional and practical. So, I guess, if I wanted Steve to stop seeing Chase, I suppose I would wait for it to fizzle out and then ask him not to see other people. I think that's reasonable.

What for me seems unreasonable, or at least unfair, is it accept Steve and Chase's relationship for more than a year and then suddenly ask him to cut her off. Even if I want that, it strikes me as unfair. I like playing fair.

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome on these sometimes troublesome issues.

Later, I hope to tell you about the party Kit and Luke threw for us over the weekend. It was kind of a last hurrah before the wedding.